There’s a game a friend of a friend used to play where they would jokingly torture (in the lighest sense of the word) each other while shouting And while I’m not comparing social media to someone trying to make me hilariously uncomfortable, in the present situation there’s certainly a parallel.I’ve never understood how anyone can stream full-time. None of the broadcasters I work with could do their jobs as well without it.But when you visit HLTV on a device larger than mobile, you also get treated to the website’s very own “sidebar of shame”, a column that pulls in the latest popular forum posts – many of which are pulled in from the Off-Topic subsection of the forum.When I work CS:GO events, I’m often amused by the bizarre titles some of the forum posts have, and horrified by posts that appear about myself and my colleagues. In friendship circles at home, a world far removed from the aiport-hotel-arena esports cycle I spent much of the year embroiled in.Moving into very visible role in esports as a woman, I was aware it would be tough, but I worked hard and earned the jobs. As a producer at Twitch, the most trouble I encountered was having a (now former) staff member look at a presentation for a show I was planning featuring four male and four female Twitch partners and tell me there were “too many women” on the line-up. Like Reddit, HLTV provides a space where a community has formed. I am impatient and I am angry; the night before I witnessed the negative reactions to a women’s tournament being organised by DreamHack and my head is ablaze.I stay frustrated for the evening. Maybe it’s something to do with the constant splitting of focus between chat, your technical setup and the game itself. Staring up at the ceiling of foreign bedrooms, willing myself to sleep. The voices that post graphic opinions of my body, or that tell women they aren’t entitled to play for a $100,000 prize pool – what do they get paid for? In a BBC management training course I am asked why I’m looking at an exercise pinned the wall when I know what I’m talking about. But I’m not skilled enough to play with people I know, and I’m also not brave enough to ask – because what if no one wants to?Even before the COVID-19 crisis swept the world we were all in uncertain times. Was I too firm in saying I needed something? But once I started to take fights and believe I could actually come out on top, I actually did.I hope that whoever wears them – male or female – will be reminded that a bit of self-belief goes a long way – whether on a virtual battlefield, or outside of it.There’s a unisex tshirt style and a ladies style – I’m wearing the unisex style in these photos as I’m all about the highwaisted jeans and the 80s hair! We play music together. I also asked Paul to create “pocket” styles for wearers who prefer their logos a little smaller. )Awards shows are great places to actually meet other women in the industry – at the Esports Awards I first met regular LEC interviewer Something I observed at IEM was the constant comments on Reddit and HLTV that were desperate to complain and compare me to other women in my field. When you’re streaming, you can be faced with a wall of people telling you that you suck, in real time where you’re on camera. I had made, found and earned my work.
THAT!
This year, I hope I can support these women back – we’re stronger together, and this industry is stronger for having us in it.I say this, because not everyone will enjoy an interviewer’s style.
I wonder if you took a transcript of my interviews and looked at the content, rather than my presence on camera, whether the opinion would still hold weight. When I’m dumped for another girl after a few months, I buy a DVD of Clueless with my Sports Direct earnings and celebrate.
I’m getting better at Counter-Strike, although the past week or so has seen me miss opportunities in game I know I could have captialised on. I sometimes look at my keyboard because I have not played enough hours of CS for all the actions and key binds to be instinctive yet. Simply by being who you are, you represent “the future”, a new, distinctively different face sitting next to the established ones on a talent announcement post. He brings me food and tea during my stream.
But since live esports events have been put on hold, people have had to get creative and make new types of content. I am upset that I am only starting this now, but feel like I will be forever judged by it.
Sat in green rooms unable to share how I was really feeling. It’s something to do and I know I’ll never be good at it – I’m “just a girl” – so I don’t try.Going into my final year of GCSE I enter a relationship with someone I meet at the skate park. We’re living in a time of uncertainty at the moment, and while it’s unclear when the esports world will be able to return to normality, Ward and her coworkers are determined to make the most of it – both for themselves and the fans.“I just hope we can transition to LAN events by the end of the year,” she adds. I am stage hosting a UK Hearthstone tournament when I am noticed by PC Gamer. But when you’re streaming you’ve got a whole host of people trying to either influence your emotions (tilting you, insulting you), or policing your behaviour – ie “relax”, “don’t sing”, “you should do X, Y and Z”, “if you took my advice you’d be better”.
Events featured: - PC Gaming Show 2018 (E3) - … He often cooks, helps out at a food bank some days. They needed another year, I think.
It makes me feel guilty to even think about not enjoying some of my streams. I script edit and collaborate with the team on my pieces to camera for the PC Gaming Show at E3 2018. I’m just looking forward to seeing what games we have and if we’ve got any devs returning from last year. I attempt to calculate how much I am worth if I’m hosting from home to prevent potential work from falling through if I propose the wrong figure.